First of all, allow me to say that I am deeply in love with Rock Music, particularly Gothic/Symphonic Metal. And I exuded that absolutely well, a few years back. In some of my posts, I have pointed out how I had been the Goth girl in every class I had during College. I was not oblivious to the fact that my professors, and some of my classmates back then, would all toss a glance at my direction, eyeing me from head to toe. They called me, "the lady in black". I had half of my face covered in razor-like bangs and only my left side of the face was visible. My eyes were charcoal black and I seldom smile. It was very cold inside the classroom, literally, so I had this excuse to wear this long black trench over my white and plaid green uniform. I was almost always called into the Disciplinary office because of my jet black tights and all the metallic accessories I wore. My nails were black and my aura was that of a Nimbus cloud. They said I didn't look like a decent student. But I just couldn't bring myself to let go of all these black lace and studs wrapped around my body.
During lunch breaks, earphones were buried into my eardrums and the heart pounding beats of MCR's "Welcome to the Black Parade" would liberate me and I would sway my head, my eyes closed, fists clenched and spinning in the air. It was eargasmic. It was freedom for me. I did not give a damn whatever people were thinking or talking about me. I was happy and fulfilled. I loved what I looked like and I loved what I was doing. I cared for my friends and had been the best friend to them. I studied hard and I was very proud of myself. Nobody could ever bring me down because I was good enough. I knew I was worthy.
|pretending to be Sadako. I dreamed about it once :p|
When I graduated from college, that was when I started exploring: places, food, people, colors, and blah blah blah. I came to the point of realization that I was ready to relinquish these black clothes and make up and when I did, I was still happy. I had no regrets. And I was thankful for it. This darkness was part of who I was and I'm a better person because of it. I changed, a lot. People do. But always try to take a peak of who we were, because it was a part of your journey. Love who you used to be, and love who you are now. You are beautiful in every way :)
“A diamond doesn't start out polished and shining. It once was nothing special, but with enough pressure and time, becomes spectacular. I'm that diamond.” - Solange Nicole